| What girls say: | I'm fine |
|---|---|
| What girls mean: | I'm too embarrassed to ask for water from your mom because this is the first time I've been over and she's asked me like 500 times if I wanted any and I've been saying no but I'm dying of thirst |
sometimes i see dudes on the internet like “ya i have a 10 inch dick” and then i eat a 6 inch subway sandwich and im looking at this sandwich and its like..idk how almost double that would be a good thing my vagina winces at the thought
it was 4am and i compared a penis to a sandwich
(via softtitty)
im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
(via softtitty)
Presenting Horrible Movie Clichés, an illustrated guide, brought to you by the New York International Latino Film Festival.
(via softtitty)
My mom was on the phone with her best friend and she was like “no she’s a virgin trust me” and then she was like “Emily talk on the phone with Jess!!” And I was like wtf but said hi anyway and then she took the phone back and she was like “you see? You can hear it in her voice” oh my fucking god mom I swear to fucking god
(via softtitty)
we had a substitute teacher who kept saying he was a philosopher??? and somehow everyone was impressed by that and he said “ladies, if a guy wants to sleep with you and you say no and and he follows you around and keeps asking you no matter what you say, you should say yes, because he truly loves you” and everyone nodded at his wisdom and i just
(via softtitty)
every time they make jokes in this episode i just sob harder
(Source: andysexberg, via softtitty)
I had 3 stitches in my ear today and now my ear is swollen like a balloon
I’m not being racist but if you didnt want your ear to swell up you probably shouldn’t have gotten stitches.
how is that racist
they just said they weren’t being racist do you even listen
(Source: adrians1, via to-the-s-t-a-r-s)
